Who Let Us In?

[00:00:16] Speaker B: Welcome, um, to another episode of the Blind Spot. It is me, Rebekah Skeete, your girl. [00:00:22] Speaker C: Joined my co host, Simply Tiff. It's always simply Tiffany, ma'am. [00:00:26] Speaker B: I need some gusto in that simply Tiff. [00:00:29] Speaker C: I mean, unless we're getting that, that, uh, sponsorship by Simply Orange. See, I need energy. I need vitamin C, Vitamin D. So Simply Orange, come through. [00:00:41] Speaker B: Welcome back. To those who are joining us again, or for those who are listening for the first time, welcome. We're so glad you're here. Um, we're happy for you that you get to engage in this awesome experience that is this podcast. Am I overconfident? No, actually, I struggle with imposter syndrome. We'll get to that later. But welcome. We're glad you're here. So, today's episode, we're going to be talking about, um, a couple things. The whole title is who Let Us In? Who? I was about to do who Let the dogs out. But it's not the dogs out. They done let these cats in. [00:01:14] Speaker A: Meow, meow. [00:01:18] Speaker B: So we will be unpacking Imposter Syndrome in real time. Um, and we'll kick it off with how we met at the 40 under 40 event. [00:01:27] Speaker C: First of all, go back when you got the email, what was the reaction? Because mine, funny thing, I was in Denver and, uh, it was like 3 o' clock in the morning and the hubby asleep. I'm reading through emails as I always do at the early crack of dawn, and I'm listening to it and I just scream at the top of my lungs. And Rich wakes up and is in a panic. I mean, like, who's busting in? Like, what's going on? I'm like, I won. And he's like, what? And I'm like, sorry, your heart might. You might be having a heart attack. No, I won. Dallas business journal 40 under 40. He's like, okay, great. And I wish I could see his face, but, uh, there was a level of pissedivity that I know I reached. So he went back to sleep, but I just kind of basked in it. And then I thought instantly, who nominated me and how did I get on this list? So, instant imposter syndrome. [00:02:30] Speaker B: So I, um, I was having a conversation with the founder of BGH, uh, Tennisha, uh, and another good friend of mine, Aleise, our CISO. And we were just, you know, identifying things that we want to accomplish or see come to fruition or whatever by the end of the year or, like, whatever goals And I was like, you know what? I would really like to be on somebody's 40 under 40 list before I turn 40. I just kind of said it like that. And they were like, okay. And that was it. We just mentioned it in passing and carry on. And then I got the email that I was nominated, and I was like, it had to be one of them that nominated, uh, me. And then the encouraging part of it was, you know what? I really. I love this for me, that I have friends who want for me what I want for me, and just being able to have a, uh, safe space where I could articulate that. And then it come to fruition. Um, I was at that point when finding out that I was actually nominated and selected, uh, as an honoree. The focus in that point was just that, like, I was grateful. Fast forward to the event itself when all these other people are up there and they're talking about their accomplishments and present company included. They're like a Tiffani Martin who started her company when she was in the hospital and lost her sight and all this stuff. And I'm like, the heck? How'd I get in? No, no. What was said in my nomination thing to make me be here amongst all these other people? So, yeah, that was very much a, uh. Like, even in the video, when they were announcing people, and the kind people at my table, they were like, hey, we're gonna record you while you go up there. And I was like, thanks. You can see me physically shrinking. Like, I was really. Y' all want me to get up there and say what? And do it in front of all these people? So, yeah, Imposter syndrome was on 10. [00:04:22] Speaker C: No, mine's even more before then when we had the mixer, and one of the guys, they, you know, they were giving everybody's rundown, and I'm still like, man, how did I get in this room? I'm just excited that we get free charcuterie, you know? And then one of the guys brought in. It's like, yeah, you know, annual revenue or something of a billion dollars. That's with a B, as in he's bad. Like, I was just like, a billion dollars, bruh. You know, all the way up. But being at the actual event, when I went up and gave my speech, and I. I, like, soon as I came off, I ran over to my parents. How did a blind person run? I haven't heard. Uh, but I ran over to my parents, and I was like, here you go, Mom. And it was. She was just the first thing she said. They didn't spell your Name right? And she went to, uh, the editor in chief and told them to spell my name right. And I was like, thank you. Yeah, make sure my name is right. But they, I mean, they quickly fix it and everybody there is, like, wonderful. But just having my mom, you know, make sure, like, this is my baby, you're going to get this name right. I was like, that was validating for me. But again, imposter syndrome. And then you had, like, a fire speech and it was hilarious and everybody was joking. I was like, dang, why didn't I think of a joke? [00:05:42] Speaker B: So listen, I had to. Sometimes, I use humor to cover things and deal and it's just the way I process. But we can delve deeper, uh, into that probably as we go on. For those who are watching and you're wondering, who is that? This is an additional face on, uh, the podcast here. Natalie Thomas is a licensed professional counselor, certified school counselor, and licensed chemical dependency Counselor with over 20 years, two decades of experience in the mental health field. She is the founder of the Remix Center, a mental health practice that supports high achieving women and leaders navigating stress, anxiety, and grief. Natalie loves helping her clients achieve personal and professional success by increasing balance, boundaries, and confidence. Ooh, I need all three of those, girl. She also partners with companies and educational institutions to deliver impactful mental health presentations and consulting services that support workplace wellness. Outside of her work, Natalie enjoys traveling, live music, and quality time with loved ones. Welcome to the pod, Natalie. We're definitely happy to have you here with us. [00:06:48] Speaker A: Thank you. I'm excited to be here and I'm excited to hear your story. I knew you all met at the 40 under 40, but I loved hearing, like, all the details. [00:06:59] Speaker B: Yes, ma' am. And I feel like sometimes when I start to talk, I'm like, I wonder what my therapist would say about that. So I did have that in the back of my mind. I was like, well, I'm. Be honest. But feel free, if anything jumped out at you, you saw any red flags or some yellow ones or some green ones, feel free to let me know. So one of the things, like we mentioned, imposter syndrome, we're going to leverage Latimer AI, a, tool that we've used previously, on the POD to give us a working definition. And then, Natalie, uh, if you want to give your input as to say if it made the mark, missed the mark, or it's pretty spot on. Okay, so we're just going to ask, what is imposter syndrome? And I'm, um, doing that Live so people can see in real time how long it takes for us to ask the question versus receive the answer and. [00:07:46] Speaker C: In hopes that you will do the same and use these tools for your everyday life. [00:07:52] Speaker B: Right. Okay. So it's given a full, in depth thing. So it says. Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern where an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud. Despite evidence of their competence and success. People experiencing imposter syndrome often attribute their achievements to luck or external factors rather than their own abilities. Tracking so far, Tiffani. Uh, does that sound right to you? [00:08:19] Speaker C: Oh, spot on. I don't. You don't need sight to, to see. [00:08:22] Speaker B: That, so I see what you did there. Um, key characteristics are self doubt. Individuals feel inadequate and question their skills. Check. Fear of exposure. There's a constant fear of being found out or exposed as not deserving of their success. Attributing success to external factors. Many believe they have succeeded due to luck or help from others rather than their own hard work or intelligence. Perfectionism. Many people with imposter syndrome set excessively high standards for themselves and feel disappointed if they do not meet them. Woohoo. Came for me. Read my mail. Something common among different groups, imposter syndrome can affect anyone, but it's frequently discussed in the context of high achieving individuals, particularly in competitive fields. It is also prevalent among marginalized groups who may feel additional pressure to prove themselves. Some of the coping strategies are to acknowledge feelings. Recognizing and discussing feelings of inadequacy can help seek support. Sharing experiences with others can provide reassurance and perspective. Reframe thoughts. Challenging negative self talk and celebrating accomplishments can shift one's mindset and then professional help. Perfect segue for you, Natalie. Uh, therapy or counseling can provide strategies to manage these feelings effectively. Understanding imposter syndrome is crucial for personal development and mental health as it can hinder one's potential if left unaddressed. What say you, Professional? [00:09:55] Speaker A: It is perfect. Spot on. The definition, the characteristics, even some of the coping skills. There are more, but yeah, 10 out of 10. [00:10:08] Speaker B: Ideal. [00:10:09] Speaker C: But before we have Natalie like break us down and build us up, I just want to say before we even started today's episode, that perfectionism. I felt attacked. Like we spent so much time me making sure things were perfect as symmetrical with the, you know, pillows. I don't even know what these pillows look like. Uh, making sure the camera mic, perfect shirt, makeup. I can't tell any of these things. And I, I obsessed over and finally I was like, you know what? I'm just going to go as I am. But that perfectionism hit hard. And another point that they made about, like, marginalized communities, I feel like I have to overcompensate, literally, uh, with all of my layered identities. So I am very curious to get your thoughts on just all of that, because, I mean, it was a live demo of me just really leaning into that imposter syndrome just, you know, minutes before, so. [00:11:08] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. And I know when we talk about high performers, it absolutely shows up often. Imposter syndrome shows up often for high performers because it's just the perfect storm, right? So you have the high expectations, you have the perfectionism, you have this debt that you feel you owe your community who has supported you, right? Because a lot of times for high performers in marginalized communities, we're the first, right? So you're the first generation. And so you have these people behind you who are pushing you forward, and then you feel like, uh, I can't let them down. So here we are, right? So, yeah, absolutely. It happens all the time. Totally normal. Unfortunately, we just can't norm it. Right. Because that can be. That's where the danger comes in. [00:12:01] Speaker B: What I think is interesting too, is that sometimes when you said the debt that we feel that we owe a hundred percent on point with that. And I vacillate between that being an inspiration to me and helping me achieve things, it can be beneficial. It's the fuel that I need. But then also, the very same thing that inspired me to get things done is holding me under the water, you know, um, how to. Any suggestions? I'll find the balance between that. Or am I viewing it incorrectly? Or what are you. What's your thoughts there? [00:12:35] Speaker C: Critique me. [00:12:37] Speaker A: No, I definitely agree. I think two things can be true at the same time, right? So these people who are clapping us up, right, and like, yeah, like, they're in our corner. We need that. Because it is tough when you're a high performer. It's not easy. So we need the support. But then it's problematic because we do it to ourselves when we feel the debt to them, right? Like, they're clapping us up because they are excited and they want to support us, but then we do it to ourselves and say, well, I can't let them down. So part of it, as far as the balance comes in with allowing people to be in your corner to support you. And for them, they like blessing us. They like being there for us, and then we just leave it right there. The hard part is we don't leave it right there. All the time we feel like we have to do something. Um, and also two things can be true, right? Like, we have these people who are supporting us, but in marginalized communities, you also have those people who are saying, you think you're too good. So we're also hearing that side. I know a lot of first, I'm a former school counselor and a lot of my first generation students would come back and say, I don't know if I'm returning in the spring, what, we did a lot of work to get here. And they'll say, well, everyone's saying I act different. Everyone's saying that I'm too good now. And so with high performers, especially marginalized communities, you have both. You have the feeling that I owe these people who are pushing me. And like, I feel conflicted because here are these other people who are saying that I think I'm too good now and I think I'm better than them. So some of it is a us thing, right? We really have to walk that path and figure out who we are. And that isn't easy either. Yeah. [00:14:47] Speaker C: One thing that, um, while you were talking that popped up is I realized I hide behind my accomplishments. Um, like I come in, you know, I did this, this and this, um, for acceptance. Not, you know, as I'm processing. Like, I, I always lead with that. Um, not out of arrogance, but, you know, like, I deserve to be here, you know, and so forth. But not in the way, um, that eradicates the syndrome, but more so it probably feeds more into it because I don't feel like I can just be accepted as I am. And that being a first, which I can say in my family, I'm not, which is a great thing. You know, my mom went back to college when she was, uh, 40 and she had all of us and full time mom and everything as a, as an example, as a paradigm. And, you know, my sister went and got her bachelor's and master's both, uh, before the age of 21. And so, you know, I get a little bit of break there. But, you know, when you layer on the disability aspect, uh, whether in a job space or speaking or in the community, I feel like I gotta hide behind those things. I don't know if that's the case for, you know, you all, if y' all have experienced it. I know that's just been a lot, um, in this phase of my life, I never experienced it before I was blind. But really, really. [00:16:19] Speaker B: So after the same thought can both be positive and negative to me. So, like, just when you mentioned. So as far as the achieving standpoint, Tiffany, that you said as far as family doing well and whatever. Same. Uh, thankfully blessed to have a lot of siblings, cousins, aunts, my mom who have are they're high achieving as well. Um, for me, it's more the same thought of the. I can't let people down. [00:16:43] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:16:44] Speaker B: Sometimes I am more likely to perform for others than I am for myself. So even with this podcast, it might have been my idea, but Tiffany then put all of the extra thought and the planning and all everything else to it. And so where I would have been like, not chilling, it's. I don't want to disappoint my friend. I don't let my friend out. I mean, I'm on board. Tiffany. Don't think I'm trying to back out of it. Like, what a way to find out. Uh, I really want out of this thing. No, but, um, sometimes that thought of not wanting to disappoint or even with my family, I don't want to let my family down. So I will get up and I will do X, Y, Z. That is a motivator for me. And so the same exact thing that motivates can also then overwhelm. And so I guess it's trying to find the line between use just enough of it. Like even with water, water is necessary for us to live and everything else. But too much and you drown. And I guess what my struggle is is drinking enough to be hydrated, but not enough to drown myself. [00:17:43] Speaker C: How do we remedy? Because I'm a checklist person. Which might not be the most effective is more so the accomplishment again and not necessarily the efficacy of the remedy itself. So how do you like. And I feel like that's another, like, component of high performance is okay, I, I want to get better. What are the. What are the criteria of. [00:18:04] Speaker A: Of. [00:18:04] Speaker C: Of better? What is that? And let me check that off. And it's. You find yourself kind of in these, these cycles. What does that look like, Natalie? [00:18:12] Speaker A: Yeah. So when Rebecca was talking, something came to mind. So I follow a lot of other therapists who are. Have more years of experience than me. Um, I'm always enamored with the things that they say. And there's one, uh, Dr. Spirit, and she says all the time, you can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. And she uses it in the sense of sometimes, like when we're doing too much and we're overcompensating, but they're not doing much. But I think it also applies when we're self sacrificing as well, even. Right. Because we don't want to let someone down. So the way she frames it, I feel like it could permeate to what we're discussing today because we can be super self sacrificing. And that is something I. Personally, I've been a high performer even since elementary, and that is something I had to get therapy for because especially in communities of color, we definitely don't want to let anyone down. Um, and that's any community of color, not just right, like black and brown. So the key is just really having someone walk with you through that because it's an unlearning that has to take place. Whether it's. I tell people all the time, like, I'm only a therapist because people don't read a lot of self help books. Right. Like, there are self help books people can work through, but most times people don't want to read them. They want to be in partnership with someone who holds them accountable, who works with them. And so it's really an unlearning to say, I can appreciate these people for having my back, for being in my corner, but I don't have to sacrifice myself to, or constantly wonder if I'm doing enough or if I'm doing the right thing to make them proud. [00:20:16] Speaker B: The shirt that I'm wearing, it looks like a flame is on it. So the, uh. And it looks like a chicken is sitting in the middle of. It was a fundraising thing and it was called chicken thing. And anyway, it literally looks like I'm setting myself on fire. [00:20:32] Speaker C: Oh. So on, um, brand. So on brand. Um, yeah, I mean, I think Rebecca. [00:20:38] Speaker A: Would have that shirt for today. [00:20:40] Speaker B: I love this shirt. [00:20:43] Speaker A: Now, when you put it on, you. [00:20:44] Speaker C: Don'T think that I put it on. [00:20:45] Speaker B: Yeah, over here. Setting yourself on fire. [00:20:49] Speaker A: Calm down. [00:20:50] Speaker B: Get an extinguisher. [00:20:53] Speaker C: No. Um, but I want to know. You mentioned high performers since childhood. I will say she's either going to kill me, and I don't want her to because I just, I think the world of her. But between my sister and I, she's the one that, like, was the mold. [00:21:08] Speaker B: She. [00:21:08] Speaker C: She was the model, like, kid. I don't think ever got a bad grade. Just did exceptionally well. Even to this day. I mean, the girl is bad. Me, I could care less. It literally did not come until I became disabled. And so do you see it more as, like, childhood challenges as far? Well, let me not say challenges, but childhood starts. Or do you see it kind of like triggered, you know, based off of maybe like a trauma. [00:21:34] Speaker A: Yeah, I think it could be both. I especially believe that it starts in our younger years and it just becomes a habit and then becomes a lifestyle, right? So we start out by making sure that we don't fail anything. But then we're like, but now I have to get an A. And not just any A, right. Like, now I have to get a 95. And so as we do better, we start to amp up those expectations. And that can be tricky because. Right. Like, that means we're killing the game. And so we're feeling really good about ourselves. But just. Just like Rebecca said, right? Like, we're aiming towards one thing, and then we're like, oh, well, let me step it up. Well, let me step it up again. Well, let me step it up again. So kind of like with her analogy with the water, right? So they'll say, hey, drink half of your body weight, right? And then once we get there, we're like, okay, let me add 5 more ounces. Well, let me add 10 more ounces. And so eventually I think of it is it happens in our youth. It becomes a habit then. Now it's a lifestyle. But the really tricky part is it's now ingrained right in our thoughts and our actions. And so that's where the unlearning has to take place. Because now this is my entire lifestyle. It's how I think. It's how I behave. It's how I plan for the future. Right. Most high performers are planners. We don't. You don't happen on success. You don't happen on high performance. You planned for it. So it's. Throughout your entire life, I never looked. [00:23:08] Speaker C: At it that way because, like, people like, you know, Rebecca, like my sister, I'm like, they just naturally gift it, you know, it's not a. It's not a thing. You know, like, I'm like, work at mines. And it's not until they. They say something like, you know, no, I, like, I had to work hard. I'm like, really? You know, but it's just. It's perception. [00:23:26] Speaker B: Work hard. Sweat, tears, blood. [00:23:31] Speaker A: And it's super deceptive because I think we all have the one person, one family member that we're like. That comes so natural to them. We just don't. I mean, they don't even blink. And it's just perfect. And we have no idea what excruciating circumstances they're in every night to get to that point. And I'll never forget, and I'm like, you, Tiffany. I hope my Sister doesn't kill me. But, uh, my mom was a single mom, and there were three of us. And she also was very instrumental in raising her grandchildren. There's two of them. And I remember my sister became a single mom, and about maybe four years old, she told my mom, you make this look easy. This is like the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And my mom was like, well, just imagine you have one. I had three plus grandchildren. And my mom never complained, never said a word, never reached. She didn't reach out to us for help. We later found after she passed who she was reaching out for help for, like, who her people were, but we didn't even know that she was reaching out to them for help. So you have these people who make it look so easy and never say a word. And then we're like, oh, uh, they just blinked. And it was perfect. [00:24:47] Speaker B: When the people who think you just blinked, I was like, nah, my eye was twitching. You didn't see it was a signal for help. [00:24:54] Speaker A: Right. Like, I had to hold it in the sockets. [00:24:57] Speaker B: That's why. That's why I got the bucket hat on. So I could just, like, you know, give myself a little incognito mode. Um, what are some strategies or practices, I guess, that can help quiet that inner critic? And how do we support others who potentially feel the same? [00:25:13] Speaker A: Yeah, so I think there's several. One of them is the company you keep. Right. So we talked a lot about having these people who push us and support us, but it is really cutting ties with people who make you feel small, because sometimes that exists and sometimes that just like the people who we have that support us like they are our motivators, sometimes we have those people who make us feel small. And that. I don't feel that, like, that's our experience, but that can be an experience for someone who has imposter syndrome. Because if I've been talked down to, if I've been ridiculed, then I start to overcompensate, and I say, you know what? I have to do better because you think I'm not good enough. So really, like, getting the circle that we have is a blessing, but not everyone has that. So definitely watching the company that you have, which for those who have been ridiculed and, you know, just kind of shunned, it can be harder for them to get rid of those people because they've kind of normalized that these people are here. They don't even know that there's a whole community of people who are like, Ready to clap and do standing innovations, because that's not their normal. That's not their lived experience. But definitely checking your circle, right? And, like, you don't want to set yourself on fire, but you need those people who are like, okay, I got you. What do you need? How can I help? Right? So, number one, checking your circle and then training your thoughts. Because a lot of this is things that we have imagined, right? So you're with imposter syndrome. It is our perception. It's how we perceive that our abilities and our gifts and our talents and that we're just not adding up to what who people think we are, right? So it is training your thoughts. And it's funny, I had a client yesterday, and we've been working with her thoughts, and I'm always excited to hear them say, yeah, so I had, you know, because I. I make them, like, actually log their negative thoughts. And so when I'm seeing a decrease, I'm all excited. But I had one yesterday. She says, yeah, my coworker. I can see that. Like, you're not as negative as you used to be. And that made me so happy because I was like, oh, I didn't even consider, right. That we're doing this for this individual, but it should be seen by other people. So once we start to train our thoughts, having those people who can hold us accountable for that, but we definitely have to unlearn those negative thoughts. And y' all, like, as a human, that's just where our mind goes. No one wakes up in the morning and is like, this week is going to be awesome, right? We see it's going to rain. We're already mad. I got to get an umbrella. What time is it raining? Because I don't want it to rain. I don't want to use my windshield wipers, right? Like, that's just how our mind works. Our mind always goes to the negative. And so it really is a lot of work, right, to train your thoughts. But it's important, super important, right. To make it through to the other side of imposter syndrome. Um, also recalling your accomplishments, because one thing about it is you have to have receipts, right? You can't be successful and not have any receipts. So recalling those accomplishments, I'll typically tell people every night, write down at least one thing you accomplished. It can be super small. It can be 40 under 40, right? Like making the list and getting the email. So it can be small or big. But I, uh, ask, you know, especially my clients that are struggling, write down one to three accomplishments for that day. Right. Maybe I didn't have any negative thoughts, or maybe I didn't let someone set me off, or maybe someone who normally makes me feel really bad and makes me feel like a fraud. Maybe I didn't allow that to happen that day. So whatever that looks like as far as accomplishments, but I have them documented, because then that's the receipts. So when those negative thoughts come up, right. Like, emotions can't fight facts. Right. So, uh, I know that new saying, right. Like, the, you know, feelings aren't facts. And so your receipts. Right. Like, those emotions have to bow to the receipts. So definitely keeping that log and then really trying to tap into who you are and what you're great at. And usually we don't know. Right. So I tell people, think about the compliments that you receive. Those are the things you're great at. Because it comes so easy to us, right. When we just talked about, right. How people make it look easy, but it comes so easy to us that we don't even know, like, that's our superpower. So think about the compliments that people give you and write those down, too. So I'm. I'm not a big journaler. I don't write. Like, I don't journal. I don't make my clients journal. But I'm a big documentation person. Like, I believe in a log because those are super powerful when you look back at them. [00:30:22] Speaker C: So many good tools. [00:30:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:24] Speaker C: Like, even the writing down of negative thoughts. And I'm like, ooh, I know I would have full books of things that I didn't accomplish. But, like, going back to the first thing you mentioned about, um, your group, I now, in my. In my adulthood, have, um, friends, childhood friends. But I had to do a lot of work. And now, you know, within the last, you know, decade, we are just so supportive. But I'm laughing because I think they're all higher achievers. So I'm kind of like. I'm questioning. I'm like, well, do y' all have this high performance issue? Because I'm like, I got doctors as friends, executives, and multi, you know, degrees. And I'm like, we're all high performers. But, um, I definitely. Childhood in those development, uh, developmental years, had, uh, the friend groups that played the dozens. For those of you that don't know what that is, it's, uh, you know, we just kind of down people. Jokingly, I will probably say it is cultural predominant, you know, within the black culture. But a lot of that formed my perception and perspective, because I know there's A difference. And I grew out of those circles naturally, but had to do a lot of work after that. But then even in, uh, workplaces, ironically, with bosses that look like me. And so, you know, I had to kind of overcome this elitist kind of culture in some aspects. And that took some work. But I did. I will say, um, I had this one boss, and I absolutely adore her. Her name is Roz. She probably gonna kill me because I'm shouting her out. But she epitomized to me what I wanted to be as a black woman, as an executive. She always reaffirmed me, even if I was unsure. And this is after the disabilities and so forth, she would challenge me, too. So I, um, was grounded in humility because of the challenges. But I had to realize the standard that she was giving me, that it was high and that she appreciated, respected, and expected me to reach them. So I had to kind of look internally and know you do have the. The juice, you know, to get it done. And she would always come back and, you know, good job. Okay. We move into the next. You know, we can't linger on the. The last accomplishment. So I've. I've seen that evolution, you know, happen, that transformation, um, in that first tool that you provided for us. Yeah. [00:32:48] Speaker A: I want to, uh. This came to mind as you were talking. So May is mental health awareness month. So I start. Actually started, um, last month, presenting workshops, panels, all the things. And I was at a local college, high performers. And we were actually talking about stress. But as we started to have the discussion, and I kind of do my presentations as workshops. So it's a working thing, like you're leaving with a plan. Right. And so as they were looking around, they were like, I didn't know you felt like that. I didn't know this was hard for you. I didn't know you struggled with this. And so one of the students and said, we have to talk more. And I thought, oh, how out of the mouths of babes. Right. And so I think that can be our downfall. Right. We're women. When we look at women, we hear them, other generations saying, no one talked to me about menopause. No one talked to me about finances and planning. Right. We have GoFundMes when people pass away. No one talked to me about estate planning. And so we have all these things that are going unsaid, and it's really harmful for us. Right. So I think part of it is we do have to have more conversations and make that the norm. Right. Not holding it inside. And part of it is cultural. Right? Like, so we have that what happens in this house stays in this house. And so then we feel like, well, I can't even talk about things that are happening with me. Right. Because I'm in this house. And so I think definitely more candid conversations. I know moms, new moms are having many more conversations that are growing grandparents didn't have. So just making sure that we're actually talking more because then we can form community. Until then, we think everyone's a superhero and not having any problems until we actually put everything on the table. [00:34:47] Speaker B: Valid point. We need to talk more. And as far as people who might need direct help, because you just mentioned mental health awareness, I think this might be perfect. Tiffany. [00:34:56] Speaker A: All right. [00:34:57] Speaker C: This is our straight BS moment. It doesn't mean what you think it is, but it means blind spot where we highlight a service or product or anything that we deem necessary and uh, just contributes to the conversation and bringing it out of the shadows and into the light. And so it's our straight blind spot moment. [00:35:17] Speaker B: And with that we would like to highlight your, uh, organization, if you can tell us, uh, the org name, what your focus is, what your mission is and how people can contact you. [00:35:28] Speaker A: Yeah. So the Remix center, we are full service, we're solution focused. So a lot of times in our counseling programs we're taught just to sit and listen and nod our heads. Right. But we know people don't come to us for that. They come to us for a solution. They want change, they want progress, but we want the transformation as well. So we are very result driven. And as far as, as individuals, we do provide therapy. Our specialties are stress, anxiety and grief because all three of those can affect our entire lives and totally upend them. So those are our specialties. We see other concerns, but those are the ones that like our sweet spot that we know. Right. We can push and see results and progress. But, uh, we also help companies because 77% of employees in the last month have said they were stressed. When we look at grief, 57% of employees are saying that in the last three years they've had a major loss. That totally affects how those individuals perform and how those companies perform. So companies are losing billions of dollars in productivity, absenteeism. And so one thing that we know is we love to do therapy with individuals, but not everyone going to go to therapy, but they're going to work. And so we wanted to make sure that we are able to fill that gap as well. So we work with companies and school districts to do trainings, workshops, consultations with the leadership of how to work with individuals, and, um, yeah, so that's the Remix center. Our website is www.theremixcenter.com, and our booking info, email, phone, all of that good stuff is there. But once again, we're just here to make sure that people are living the lives they deserve. Right? So especially with high performers, sometimes we're so busy performing that we don't actually stop and enjoy it. And so that's where that stress kicks in. Or we're grieving. Um, this country doesn't grieve well. Right. So sometimes we're grieving so terribly that we're not living the life we deserve. So that's what we're here to do. We're here to remix, help people remix their lives. Right. Nothing wrong with the originals, but everybody loves a good remix. Love it. [00:38:03] Speaker C: And real quick, um, before we go to one of my favorite segments, um, I would like to put out there that, uh, in the month of April, uh, uh, over 106,000 black women lost, uh, their jobs, uh, in the U.S. and so, um, losing a job is also grief. So, you know, make sure you hit up Natalie and the team over at the Remix center, and, um, you can come back from that loss and remix your life and live your best life. [00:38:32] Speaker A: Yeah. And I have to jump in, Tiffany. So grief is our thing. People don't consider that I've lost my job, but then I've also lost community. If you really got along with your co workers and you really like them, right, they're not there anymore. So you've lost community. There are so many secondary losses. So the job is the big loss. But then I've lost, right? My supporters, my community. I've lost my, like, my routine. Right. As high performers, we like a good routine. Right. So now I don't have one. And so there's so many secondary losses that come with that as well, that people don't realize, because we don't discuss grief in this country. [00:39:15] Speaker C: It's a great point. I never thought of that, like, at all. [00:39:18] Speaker B: Because you mentioned a second ago, Natalie, that some people won't go to therapy for the people who are like, oh, this sounded cool. I can identify with the things that you discussed, uh, on this call, but I'm all right overall. So I don't. This isn't me. That's for other people, but not for me. What would you say, uh, to those folks as to the value, um, of. Of having that resource? [00:39:41] Speaker A: Yeah. So it's funny, you Say that Rebecca. That was one of the conversations. So last month was stress awareness month. And so my other therapist and uh, I, we were talking and people were saying, well, I'm not stressed but my sister is. And so it was like they were kind of distancing themselves, right? So you may not have this one concern, but everybody has something. And so as uh, we kind of thought about it where like people will say, you know, I don't really need this, but everyone really needs help. I think the unfortunate thing, especially for communities of color is we uh, have that complex where we're not super reliant on other people. So if we look at other communities, they shop together, right? In their neighborhoods. They rely on each other. Sometimes they're even living in the home with, with three or four generations for decades, right? There are communities that you don't move out of your parents house until you're married. And so uh, in our community and of course, I know, right, everyone may not be African American, but we don't do that. We get out as soon as we can, right? When we can afford it, we're out of there. We don't always rely on each other. And so then we feel like we got it, right? I can do this on my own. I don't need any help in that a lot of times translates into the therapy space, right? Because I got this, I don't need help. So I just want to say, right, everyone has something that they're struggling with. One of the things we started doing was consultations because sometimes people don't need help, but they may need a one time resource. So maybe I don't need a full therapy set, like you know, series of therapy sessions, but I'm having an issue with my child. I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go for resources. The reality is sometimes people may not need weeks of therapy, but I need a one time, right? Like what do I do with my child today? Or where do I go to get my daughter help for certain things. So we believe, right, that those consultations will help those individuals as well. [00:41:54] Speaker B: Awesome. Thank you. [00:41:55] Speaker C: Moving to our my favorite segment. [00:41:58] Speaker B: And what is that? Tiffany, what's your favorite segment? [00:42:00] Speaker C: You know, when we have very heavy conversations and we go through and we tear it apart, break it down, we understand and then we get uplifted and empowered by, you know, wonderful people like Natalie. It's always great to end on a really high note. And that high note are our dad jokes. My favorite part. So take it away. [00:42:21] Speaker B: All right, so I'll start with a conventional dad joke and then a, uh, random thing that I heard in service the other day. So, dad joke. What does a nosy pepper do? [00:42:35] Speaker C: Natalie, do you know a nosy pepper? [00:42:38] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:42:40] Speaker B: It gets jalapeno business. That's what it is. Get it? Jalapeno. [00:42:50] Speaker A: It's awful. [00:42:53] Speaker B: Thank you. Thank you. Um, the other thing, I was listening to, uh, this podcast from University Christchurch here in, ah, in Fort Worth at TCU that one of their members just turned 107 years old and. Right. And then he said in the 9:00am service or something, there was another uh, um, member who was 104 years old. And so he asked the 104 year old, does the 170 year old make you feel young? And she was like, yes. And she was like, you know what the real thing is? She said, I've been alive for so long that some of my friends who are in heaven, they don't think I made. [00:43:35] Speaker C: Oh, gosh, that's great. I love that. [00:43:38] Speaker B: Anyway, oh, and, you know, a little extra thing to end this episode off with that we didn't necessarily, uh, do with the other ones since Natalie mentioned receipts and she said the things that people compliment us on are the things that we're good at that we might not even give credence or notice to. One of the things that I will highlight for you, my friend, you are very good at being a connector. You find random people. Hey, have you met so and so? You are? Yes, you. [00:44:07] Speaker C: Oh. [00:44:10] Speaker A: She'S like, I didn't know. See, we already wrote that off. [00:44:14] Speaker C: I wasn't even thinking about that. But like, okay, good. I'm a broker of people. [00:44:19] Speaker B: You're, you're like a professional concierge. Like, hey, what can help grow you who would be in, uh, benefit for you just to know each other. And you're really good at that about connecting folks. And I think another side effect of being a good connector is that you actually listen to people because, you know, when I mention some random thought that I've had, oh, I had a conversation with so and so about that 10 years ago. Here's who you need to talk to. That's also a testament to the fact that you pay attention and you care. So there you go. [00:44:46] Speaker C: I'll take that and I will chew on that and appreciate it. [00:44:49] Speaker B: Yes, please do. And Natalie, thank you so much for your time and your insight. Definitely appreciate it. Uh, I might mess around and book like a, uh, consultation for the show for the two of us and Then we could both benefit for the show. For the drone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, for research. [00:45:15] Speaker C: All right, thank you so much for. For joining us and just, uh, giving us information so we can, uh, look and see what our blind spots are. [00:45:25] Speaker B: Indeed. [00:45:25] Speaker A: Ah, yeah. No, I appreciate the invitation. I'm glad to be in the virtual room with you ladies. [00:45:30] Speaker B: Thank you. Glad to have you. [00:45:32] Speaker A: And so, as we, right, have discussed, imposter syndrome, um, I saw you all do the mini masterclass, and y' all were phenomenal. And I just thought, wow, like, how brilliant can two people be? And so, as we, right, talk about imposter syndrome, I just want you all to know that you all are brilliant. Right? No need to doubt, no need to wonder. And not just the Dallas Business Journal sees it, but we all do, too, and especially your podcast community. And so we are grateful that you share this brilliance with us and that you don't think you're a fraud and that you don't wonder or second guess yourself. And if you are, we need you to stop, right, Because y' all are killing it. And we are grateful to just be able to hear from you guys the knowledge, the wisdom, right? The strategies. So thank you, ladies, for putting yourselves out there. Even sometimes when you're doing it scared. [00:46:35] Speaker C: Thank you. See, we. We done got our lives three months. We are not even. [00:46:40] Speaker B: I'm glad this is recorded. I'm gonna replay it for myself. Natalie said I'm brilliant. Thank you. [00:46:50] Speaker C: Yeah, thank you. [00:46:51] Speaker B: It.